I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
