She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
