is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
