Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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