the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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