i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
