Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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