He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
