I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize