hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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