Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
