i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
