How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
