You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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