Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
