So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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