At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
