Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
