Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
