I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
