I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
