She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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