why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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