My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
