Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
