Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
