Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
