my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
