For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
