I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
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