Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
