She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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