From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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