remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
