the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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