I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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