Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
