The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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