Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
