The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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