Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize