Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
