You made me cry and you don't even care
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
