I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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