my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
