he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
