Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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