yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
