I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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