Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
