Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
