omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
