Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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