matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
