exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
