And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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