he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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