First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
