im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
foreskin is a definite game changer
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
