im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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