found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I currently don't understand fingers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
