Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
