This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
