Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
