i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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