Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
