i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
