Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
