just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize