please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
