Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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