Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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